TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH...

For several years Juarez, Mexico has been called the most violent City on the planet.  I know that eventually we will lose that unwanted image.  Yet, for now, the fact remains that there is a lot of violence here, even though we are seeing the numbers drop.  

There is another kind of violence that is just as troubling, yet not as recognized.  It is violence in the home.  I am not an expert on the subject, I don't have any statistical figures to share, but I am very well aware of the problem.  I see it almost daily.  The biggest known problem is the physical abuse of women by their husbands or boyfriends.  There are also many reports of women physically abusing their mates.  

I stated that I'm not an expert on the subject, so I write only my observations, opinions, and experiences. 

I cannot understand why this is so prevalent in this culture (and I do know that the problem is huge, even in the United States).  I cannot understand why a man would raised a finger to physically hurt another human being, much less someone that he supposedly loves.

Women's shelters are all over this city.  Women go there to find refuge from the abuse.  Many women just take the abuse for various reasons.  Some may have kids and some may not, but they know that if they report their mate to the authorities they will end up behind bars.  Who then will help put food on the table?  Is there another man who will be willing to take her and a host of kids to provide for them?  Her mate beats her, beats the kids, and may be having an affair that she is well aware of, but she feels trapped and must remain in the situation.  

I know that poverty is often used as an excuse.  In a society where manhood or MACHISMO is taken very seriously a man is said to feel very frustrated with life.  He feels that he is a failure as a man.  His manhood is being threatened.  He has not attained the things in life that make him the man he dreamed of being.  One option is to join some Cartel and have all the money he desires at the expense of someone else's life and health.  He can also use the last few pesos the family has to go out and get drunk and temporarily forget his ego problems.  Then he can go home drunk and beat his wife.  And while he's at it, he can beat his kids, also.  And sometimes he doesn't have to be drunk to do that.  Just the frustrations of not having a job and not providing for himself and family is enough to send a man into a rage that leaves bruises and scars on his loved ones.  They are the easiest targets.  He saw his dad do it, so it's o.k., or acceptable in his mind.  

As Christians we know that the enemy of the soul is behind all this.  But even churches are faced with this problem because it's generational.  The cycle must be broken.  I have spoken on this subject to men and some have gained conscious knowledge that this is totally unacceptable.  Some men have wept, as if a veil had been removed from their eyes and they realize their errors.  Many men have changed their way of thinking, but untold millions have yet to be reached.  

I'll share a typical story dealing with another part of this problem of spousal abuse:

A young woman calls me and wants me to visit her.  She has 3 children and her ex-husband is long gone due to the beatings she was receiving.  He is re-married.  He pays no child support.  She is fortunate in that her parents have the means to help her, along with a job that she is able to do from her house.  I go to see her and visit with her on the street by my car.  Her problem:  Her 7 year old son beats her and she doesn't have it in her to discipline the young boy.  It's something that he saw his dad do and he learned quickly.  In his young mind women are objects of abuse.  The young man is frustrated because he wants to be with his dad.  He wants to live with his dad.  Her daughter does not want to be with her dad.  She fears him.  The mom spoke to her Pastor and he suggested that she place the young boy in a shelter where he will receive guidance and counselling.  But the young boy has to live at the Center.  The young mom drank her tears as she spoke to me about all this.  She loves her son, and can't bring herself to let him go for 5 1/2 days out of the week.  She just wanted my opinion.  I spoke to her about tough love.  For his sake and for the sake of his future family she has to let him go.  I promised to keep them in prayer.  My heart still hurts over this encounter.  How many other families are having these same issues?  I hate to even know.  May God help us. 

I want to make one suggestion to church families.  If you know of a single mom, especially one who has sons, please help her out.  If you have a family with a dad, a mom, and children of similar ages then you can help.  Bring her son(s) over to your place and let them see how you interact with one another.  Don't go out anywhere, just do family things at home.  Make sure both parents are there.  Let these children observe how a wife and a husband treat each other with love, dignity, and respect.  Let the dad help the mom.  Let him show her open love.  Let him treasure her and honor her before the children's eyes.  Set that image in their minds.  SHOW them how to treat a woman.

I came from a broken family and I was about 15 years old before I witness a husband and wife interact with each other in the confines of their home.  It was my sister and her husband.  He loved my sister and he was not afraid to show it.  I studied his moves and actions.  He helped her around the house, kissed her, laughed with her, spoiled her.  He planted an image in my mind that never left me.  Yet, he didn't even know that he was impacting my future life.  It was so simple, yet so powerful.  I will always be thankful to him for those unexpected lessons.  

We need prayer for the peace in Juarez.  But obviously, peace and love start in the home and are carried into the streets.  Please pray for the families here.  If the enemy can destroy the fiber of the family he can destroy a Nation.  This Nation is suffering.



Daniel Torres
11985 Pellicano
Ste. G, Box 169
El Paso, TX 79936
1-501-827-7679

For tax receipts:
Covenant Fellowship
P.O. Box 8126
Searcy, AR 72145